Because You Demanded It: The Double Down From KFC

I know, I know - by using the phrase "Because You Demanded It..." in the title of this post I'm assuming that: A) Someone out there is actually reading this, which at this point seems to be a rather starry-eyed hope, and that B) This (most likely fictitious) someone wants me to review this particular sandwich. Probably a reach on both counts, I know, but hey - I thought it sounded good, so sue me (again, assuming "you" are actually reading any of this). Anyway, the point is this: unless you've been living under a rock, you've no doubt heard by now of the new "sandwich" from Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC hereafter), The Double Down. In fact, as I write this, it's pretty old news. Also, I'll get to why I used quotes back there in a second, but here's the thing - say what you will about this sandwich: it's delicious, it's horrific, it's the culmination of all that's great in America, it's the culmination of all that's wrong with America, whatever. The point is, it's rare for a sandwich to become a media phenomenon before it's even officially released to the public and as such, I knew that at some point, for better or worse, I would have to weigh in (no pun intended) on this new concoction. And so I have.

Now, back to why I used quotation marks around the word "sandwich" back there. The reason is this: I'm not really sure if this qualifies as a sandwich. For all the myriad varieties of sandwiches that exist out there, they all really boil down to one basic formula: filling of some type encased by bread of some type. So the question is, if you eliminate the bread entirely and replace it with something else, is it still a sandwich? This isn't the first time this has happened, mind you. Back when all those low carb diets were the craze, people were eliminating the bread in sandwiches and using lettuce or something else instead. But I think the reason this sandwich has elicited such a strong response is that KFC appears to be giving the middle finger to convention (and people who care deeply about nutrition) and replacing the bread with fried chicken for no other reason than the simple fact that they can. This is America, after all. So anyway, I'll leave the decision of whether or not this is a sandwich up to you. I'll refer to it as such, but not everyone is. Here is one reviewer who refuses to call the Double Down a sandwich, instead referring to it as a "meat glorb". That's pretty funny.

So, with that introduction out of the way, let's go to the tale of the tape on The Double Down from KFC:

• Type of Bread: n/a Obviously, the bread is absent. In it's place you'll find two slabs of chicken which can be ordered in one of two varieties: fried or grilled.
• Condiments/Dressing(s): "Colonel's Sauce" - basically colored mayonnaise
• Toppings: Monterrey Jack and Pepper Jack cheese, Bacon

So as I mentioned before, as soon as I found out about this sandwich, I knew I would have to try it. Not because it looked incredibly delicious, or because I thought it was an amazing idea, but I guess for the same reason people climb mountains or jump out of planes or order the spiciest thing on a restaurant's menu- just to be able to say that they did it. Having said that, a curious thing happened when I went in to my local KFC to order this thing. I was embarrassed. I had never felt shame ordering something to eat before, but I kind of did on this day. I couldn't even look the cashier in the eye. In short, I hadn't felt like this since my wife sent me out to buy tampons some time ago. Anyway, I made my purchase, found a vacant corner of the restaurant and went to work. Here is another picture of my purchase and the scores:

• Quantity/Value: 3/5 - This thing set me back five bucks (actually, the sandwich was $4.99, but I opted for the combo meal which goes for $6.99. Thank goodness I did. More on that later), and as you can see from the picture at the top of the post, it's really not that big at all. I mean Han is towering over this thing. But don't let the size fool you - after I was done with this thing, it felt like I'd eaten 8 pounds of spackle. No joke.
• Originality: 5/5 - Say what you will about this thing, but there is no other place out there that I'm aware of offering a sandwich with chicken as the bread. It is, if nothing else, original. The only question now is what other over the top culinary inventions it spawns: a pizza with burritos for toppings? A donut with ice cream filling? Only time will tell.
• Appearance: 4/10 - Look at that picture right up there. Seriously. The top piece of chicken looks okay - I'll give you that. But the one on the bottom is practically bleeding grease onto the lens of my camera, the cheese looks like straight up wax (except for that fact that wax would actually melt when placed on some hot chicken), the bacon can barely even be seen, and if you look closely on the lower right, you will see my Double Down evacuating some of it's "Colonel's Sauce" onto the table. Sorry, but "seeping" is not a word I tend to associate with a good looking sandwich. Oh yeah - and good luck eating this thing without the bottom or the top practically shooting out of your hands onto the floor (which might actually be a blessing).
  
• Quality/Freshness: 5/10 - If someone takes something out from under a heat lamp to make your sandwich, it is not fresh. The end.
• Taste: 12/20 - As mentioned earlier, this sandwich is not that big. But I'm telling you, I ate this in the early afternoon and didn't eat another bite for the rest of the day. Not because I was stuffed, but because I was quasi-ill. Somehow, this sandwich managed to be dry and mind-bendingly greasy at the same time. The chicken itself wasn't half bad - it had a nice crunch and a peppery spiciness that I enjoyed. The cheese and sauce both tasted like mayo and the bacon was completely undetectable. And the salt. Sweet mercy, the salt. Thank heavens I ordered the combo meal, because without that drink, I never would have made it. It was no surprise that when looking at the nutritional info for this thing, it has enough sodium to salt your driveway. However, speaking of nutrition, as abominable as you think the Double Down might be, it still comes out ahead of The Whopper and several other popular fast food staples in terms of calories and fat. Go figure.
  

So when we add it all up, The Double Down from KFC manages a paltry 29/50, the worst score I've handed out so far in this little project. As for me, the only thing I got out of the experience (besides a gut-ache) was the ability to now say I've done it. Was it worth it? I'll let my boy Han have the last word: